Mental Toughness – Get Unbeatable!

HOW to find your "why"

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  • #70692
    Richard Vernetti
    Keymaster

    I am searching for my purpose in my life, my “Why.” It is hard to figure out exactly what that why is. Any words of advice?

    #70779
    Richard Vernetti
    Keymaster

    DOn’t force an answer, the real answer may change as events in your life change, may I suggest you ask yourself what your passion is/are. What really matters to you on a physical, mental, emotional, intuitional and spiritual level. As you develop answers to these you should begin to find purpose and importance of lifestyle. Somewhere in that the “why” will begin to emerge. Solid training and pushing yourself mentally definitely bring out the side of you that you didn’t know you had. Hence the driver of 20X and Kokoro. Coach Marty Martin

    #70804
    Richard Vernetti
    Keymaster

    Thank you Coach Martin. I need patience as well. I will use your advice and keep my mind open. Thanks.

    Semper Fi

    #70866
    Richard Vernetti
    Keymaster

    Hey Andrew.

    Hope you’re doing well. I read a book called ‘Die Empty’ by Todd Henry recently. He gave this suggestion (well here’s my paraphrased version at least) – one of the best clues for uncovering your ‘why’ is to look at your history, and see what (and whom) you’ve voluntarily been willing to suffer for. If you willingly and consistently expose yourself to some hardship for something / someone, then I guess that that’s a good indicator that it / they are of value to you. I found that useful and hope it’s of some help to you.
    Good on you for asking.
    Regards,
    Matt.

    #76652
    Richard Vernetti
    Keymaster

    Trust in yourself, be realistic, honest with yourself, appreciative and attentive. We may have already stumbled over our “why”, maybe even several times, and glossed right over it, as I have.

    I’m quite fortunate in the last few months that my wife has stayed faithful to me as I catapulted from one extreme (training 2-3 hours per day, 6 days a week) to another (reading a bazillion books, listening to sutras), and not being as attentive as I could be while trying to complete this very task. She mentioned something that was all too easy to forget while seeking these answers, “my why is constantly changing”.

    I was looking for a singular, extrinsic reason to feel purposeful. Reality check: it might not work this way. Copying others’ realities and value systems thinking it would bring the answer(s) I so desperately want is pretty selfish, potentially hurtful, and possibly even destructive.

    Months ago I’d stated something to a friend in confidence and forgotten it until now. “I’m doing this so my son can have the chance I never did.”. Commander Divine’s books, blog posts, the SEALFit forum and community, and my personal trainer have helped me reconstruct the emotional intelligence (EQ) my family unit was never able to offer. The above statement has been silently driving the whole time, more a “mission” perhaps. One day, my “why” is train hard, and remind myself to “stay in it”. Another, it will be to “read and interpret” so I may “learn and share in another’s experience”. In just a few more weeks, it will be to “be attentive, appreciative and patient” as my wife goes into labor.

    If there’s anything I’ve noticed about SEALFit, and Commander Divine’s content, its that the “why” varies all the time. Once a week, it is to share learned experience with the world (the blog, SEALFit TV), another day, it is to humbly accept the experiences of others from the world (the podcasts), another day it is to refine and improve how the experience can be explained (updating the Unbeatable Mind or conducting seminars).

    Some readers may be confused by these statements. Underneath all of these “tasks”, must there be a singular purpose? There certainly can be. But we need not always know what it is. If we constantly seek it, guess what? We’re no longer in the moment, we’re losing grip on reality, become less loving of others, and ourselves!

    #76705
    Coach Mel
    Keymaster

    I agree that your why will change throughout your life. But we must try and identify your current why as deeply and specifically as possible. I like to use 7 steps to why and it goes something like this.
    1. What do I want most: To be the best mother I can possibly be.
    2. Why? Because I want my children to have healthy good lives.
    3. Why? So I don’t have to worry so much about them.
    4. Why don’t I want to worry about them? So I can focus on helping others and enjoying my life and freedom.
    5. Why do I want to help others and what is freedom to me? I want to help others to make a difference in the world and have a positive impact. I want freedom to choose how and why I spend my time.
    6. Why do you want to make a positive impact on the world?
    7. It makes me feel good and integral to lead by example and leave a beautiful world to generations to come.
    My Why is to become a better human in order to help other humans evolve in order to preserve the earth for generations to come.

    I really like this technique and it really gets to the bottom of my why. Yes I live in the great mom fight for most of the time but when my children are older I imagine I will having a shifting why but it will still be similar to this. This why has history for me starting from my early Collegiate days when I studied PSYCH and Philosophy. I have always been interested in why we behave the way we do and how to make us more civilized.

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